Talking with our little ones can be quite a struggle at times. We feel as if they aren’t being attentive to us; they feel like we are really not listening to them. Good listening as well as communication skills are essential to effective parenting. Your little one’s emotions, ideas and also opinions have worth, and you ought to make sure you take enough time to sit down and pay attention openly and discuss them genuinely.

This is true even when they are 3 and arguing about which outfit to wear. Their opinions are important and this is the stage of life when they are forming decision making skills. It may seem trivial to us as we are late and need them to hurry up, but this formation of ideas and opinions is an important stage of life.

It appears to be a natural tendency to react rather than to respond. We pass judgment depending on our own feelings and experiences. However, responding means being receptive to our child’s feelings and emotions and allowing them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear of repercussion from us.

It is important in times like this that your child knows that you are listening to them.  Put down what you are doing, get down to their level and look them in the eye.  Don’t multitask but give them your full and undivided attention.  Be calm and make sure your body language lets them know that you are genuinely interested in what they are saying.

Don’t discourage your child from showing their feelings even if they are anger, or frustration.  You will find out more from your child if you really listen to what they are saying and not saying.  Ask questions and find out why they are feeling that way.

Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult situations. By actively listening and participating with our child as they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from. Remember, respond – don’t react.

As a parent or an early childhood educator, it is imperative to know as much about child development as you can in order to help the children you care for succeed. That is why we have many child development articles on this site. Easy to understand information that will help you understand brain development, language development, how your child develops cognitively and more.

By knowing more about how development progresses, you will be able to keep an eye out for the clues that your child will give you, showing they are ready for a new skill or on the verge of making a breakthrough (for example going from crawling to walking). Armed with this knowledge, you will be able to give them the experiences they need to assist that development in a positive way.

Regardless of how inadequate you feel sometimes, you can learn the skills necessary to help your child or children reach their potential. So enjoy our child development articles.  Watching that growth is just like magic!

Every parent at some time or other is driven crazy by a child that won’t stop spinning or rolling.  They seem to do it in the bank around the rails put there to form the line, when shopping, at home…. it seems endless and trying to get them to stand still and stop it is like saying stop breathing.

When parents really understand what is happening, they are more likely to help their child and assist the development and get less stressed.  The vestibular system is something that we all have and it is essential to movement, balance, and works in conjunction with many other body systems like the eyes.  I am sure you have all had an ear infection at some time or other.  Doesn’t it make you feel dizzy?  Especially if you bend over or get up too quickly!

Our vestibular system is our internal direction monitor.  It tells our body which way is up, how fast we are going, what direction we are going (forwards or backwards) and helps our body re gravitate itself in space, helping the eyes to focus and helping the muscles to gain control, stopping us from falling over on the ground.

This system lives in the the inner ear and is stimulated during many activities but especially during rocking, rolling or spinning.  The vestibular system upgrades in children.  There are several during a child’s life…. before they learn to crawl, before they learn to walk, again before they learn to jump and again before they learn to hop.  This “upgrade” happens before the new skill can be acquired as without the additional balance skills needed, we would not be able to do those things.  During the upgrades, the vestibular system becomes faster at helping our body to adjust to the circumstances.

When your child is spinning and spinning or rolling and rolling and you can’t stop them, their vestibular system is probably in the upgrade phase.  This may take 6 weeks and then shortly after, you will see the new skill emerge.  As a teacher of early childhood children, I often see an upgrade happen between the ages of 1.5 – 2.5 years before a child learns to jump.  They will often try to jump prior to this, and their heels may leave the ground but the toes won’t.  If they did before the vestibular system was ready, they would not be able to land on their feet again, but would fall over.

Another upgrade happens around 3 – 4 years when a child learns to hop on one foot.

When a parent is aware of what is happening, you can assist by taking them somewhere safe so they can spin, roll or do what they are doing.  It is a phase and be patient with them – it won’t last forever and then you will soon see the skill emerge.  It is a fascinating process to watch!

Inhibitory Control

Inhibitory control is an essential part of a young child’s life.  It is where they start to learn how to control their body more.  Can your child stop on cue?  Or do their feet keep running?  Learning this important skill has important benefits in your the development of your child.

•    Late in the first year of life, there are important developments in inhibitory control, or the ability to suppress a dominant response
•    Another accepted measure of inhibitory control is the object retrieval task, where an object is placed behind a clear barrier and infants must suppress the prepotent tendency to reach through, rather than around, the blockade.
•    Inhibitory control, an individual’s ability to inhibit responses to irrelevant stimuli while pursuing a cognitively represented goal has been linked to the development of emotion regulation, conscience, and social competence (Kochanska).  Some example tasks that have been used to assess inhibitory control include: the Gift Delay task, in which children are instructed not to peek while the experimenter noisily wraps a present for them.
•    Kochanska has demonstrated a link between early temperament, specifically high inhibitory control and low impulsivity, and later conscience development.
•    Developmental implications of early differences in inhibitory control include differences in multiple aspects of morally relevant conduct, such as the tendency to violate prohibitions while without surveillance…, adolescent drug use…, self-control in the face of temptation…, or empathy” (Kochanska)

Kochanska, G., Murray, K., & Coy, K.C. (1997). Inhibitory control as a contributor to conscience in childhood: From toddler to school age. Child Development, 68, 263-277.

Object Permanence, Separation Anxiety and Separation Issues

Object permanence refers to the ability of the brain to retain and utilise visual images. It develops at about eight months of age. This faculty is distinct from a baby’s recognition memory.
For example, a baby is able to recognise and prefers to look at its mother by the third day of life. However, they may cry upon being left by mother; “Out of sight, out of mind.”

At around eight months, the child can exhibit signs of separation anxiety when mother leaves the room. This is because the child can now appreciate what he has just lost – the presence of his mother. Another sign of the attainment of object permanence is baby’s delight at the game of “peek-a-boo,” which demonstrates graphically that the child appreciates that just because Mother is out of direct view she is still in the world and can be recalled by moving the hands or blanket out of the way.  Stranger anxiety is another.

Separation stress or separation fear is the phase of intense fear that infants and toddlers experience as part of the normal development of the understanding that parents can be trusted to return to them. When babies first develop object permanence, they become aware of the concept of “Mother is not here” for the first time. This can frighten the child, who often cries when mother leaves the room, crawls after her, or refuses to go to another person. (See stranger anxiety below).

The ultimate cure for separation anxiety is simply the fact that mother always returns, and baby learns this by experience. Remember that object permanence is a feature of visual memory. You may find it less stressful for the younger infant who cries and crawls after you if you continue a little auditory reassurance when you first leave the room. That is, talk, hum or sing while you are in the room and then continue to do so softly after you have left the room. Pop your head back in every few minutes to help.

If a child is going through this phase late (18-24 months or older) here are some suggestions:

Help the child learn to separate. Play little games of hide-and-seek. At first, stand or sit just outside the room around the corner of the doorway so the child knows you are very close. Then you call for the child – pretend you miss him. Do this, and he will accept being temporarily out of direct sight of you. Then start going a little farther down the hall. Let him find you, and you find him. Maybe sit in the room next door to where he is playing. The idea is to gradually separate more and more. You’ll teach him very quickly to separate again and to not be so afraid. The key is to remember that at no time do you want him to be afraid. Start very slowly at first, and then separate more and more as you get a feel for what he can tolerate comfortably.

STRANGER ANXIETY

Stranger anxiety is another reflection of the effects of object permanence. “You’re not my mummy! I know my mummy and you’re not my mummy!” Young children do much better with this if adults around them remember that it may take a little while for the child to warm up to a stranger, even grandpa if he hasn’t been around the child recently (or even worse, daddy after a long business trip). If this is a problem for you, advise such people to approach your child from 7-8 months old on more slowly and quietly, in a non-threatening way. The child will warm up to the newcomer as his natural curiosity takes over.

The vestibular system is a system that sits in the inner ear and helps to regulate many things within the body – most of all our sense of balance, which direction we are traveling in, which way is up and how fast we are going.  It is a system that integrates visual, muscle and hearing to give our body the necessary messages in order for us to react appropriately and not fall over.

Here are some suggestions on how you can help the elements of the vestibular system.

Visual

“Vision allows the brain to orient the location of the head or body by sight.

• When the head turns to the left your eyes typically follow around to the left [Mobility/Ocular Motility].
• Once your eyes settle on a target [Mobility/Ocular Motility] your brain uses this information as a reference for your balance system.
• However, conditions that reduce visual acuity will affect the ability of the eyes to locate an appropriate visual reference. Improper eyeglass prescription, glare from reflective surface, and eye disease such as glaucoma and cataracts can reduce the accuracy of your visual acuity and impair your reference for proper balance.”

Muscle Tone, Balance and Proprioception

Things to Avoid

• “Reduced circulation to the feet and legs often results in loss of sensation and some loss of stability.
• Broken, healing, or repaired bones can reduce flexibility and impair the ability to walk sure-footedly on different surfaces.
• Ongoing medical disease such as diabetes and peripheral neuropathy often has a great impact on a person’s ability to accurately sense changes in surfaces such as angle of pavement and texture of surface. The improper detection of surface changes can result in a fall.”

Suggestions

“The Proprioceptive System is part of the vestibular system, where special receptors in muscles and joints travel quickly from the cerebellum to enhance tone and joint stability.

• Performed by a person during push-pull activities, proprioception is a calming, safe input to use with a child who appears disorganized. This input doesn’t reverberate in the nervous system for hours like other sensory input, so it is the essential component of a child’s ‘sensory diet‘. It is important to reintroduce the input often, throughout the day.Heavy-work input releases serotonin which sets the firing levels of all neurotransmitters.
• Many children experience body awareness for the first time when they start to wear weighted backpacks, vests or blankets. This is an important strategy used often in therapy.”

Auditory (Inner Ear)

Description

“The ear, or vestibular system, accounts for 60% of proper balance.

The vestibular system is located in the inner ear and responds to movement in three planes of movement: vertically up and down, horizontally left and right, and over the top of the head from left shoulder to right shoulder. These are the same references for air flight; pitch (vertical), yaw (horizontal), and roll (over the top).

Each time the head moves there is corresponding movement of fluid in the vestibular system of each ear. This movement of fluid allows each ear to sense how far the head has moved and with what velocity.”

Things to Avoid

“Occasionally virus, infection, or injury can affect the sensitivity of this fluid movement in one of the ears. When this occurs the brain receives unbalanced information from each ear and is unable to determine which ear is providing accurate information. However, so long as the visual and proprioceptive systems are working properly the brain can gain an accurate point of reference and prevent a fall. However, the person may still have a sense of spinning or movement. Ongoing and fluctuating ear disease such as Meniere’s Disease can greatly effect balance as well as hearing.”

Why do children always move?  Why can’t they sit still?  Movement is essential to children and their overall growth and learning.  When a child moves, they are making neural connections which are necessary not only for movement, but for speech, comprehension, focussing near and far and many other tasks that they will need for school and life in general.

Movement is a child’s way of practicing concepts that are learned.  They experiment and sometimes their body is telling them to move and you can no sooner stop it than hold back the tide.

When a child is learning how to walk their brain is telling them to “walk walk walk walk”.  Their body needs the repetition for the brain to map the movement and for the correct neural connections to be made strong. The vestibular system needs to upgrade and all the muscles and tendons and thousands of messages that run through the body from brain to toes need repetition to be made strong.

The brain will continue to tell the child to upgrade and practice until the skill is learned so let them walk!  Create safe places for them and let them do what is essentially their “work” for those weeks.

The same is true when a child needs to upgrade their vestibular system prior to jumping, hopping or walking on a beam.  They will spin, roll or stimulate the system in similar ways for about 6 weeks prior to the new skill being learned.  It is fascinating to watch and when you know what is happening, you are less frustrated and can provide them with what they need to learn.